Tag: single

Valentine’s Schmalentines

V Day is coming. How does the single girl/guy survive?

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Feb 14th is nearly upon us once again. I’m not sure about you, but I’m still very much single.

Flashback…

It was a few weeks before Christmas last year, and I found myself feeling concerned about what the holiday season would bring and just how I’d cope with it. If you’ve been single for a while, you may be familiar with this.

I love Christmas – time with family and friends, carols, food, gifts etc. Yet, the festive season can also be really challenging to navigate. Derek Prince once said that holiday times can catch us at our weakest, as the devil knows our vulnerabilities and preys on them. I’ve experienced this before – the moments when I’ve been surrounded by people have sometimes been the loneliness times of my life, highlighting that everyone (seemingly!) has a family of their own except me. Watching other people delight in seeing their children’s faces light up with joy as they open their presents, can be heartbreaking for someone who’d love to be doing that themselves. Sigh…

As I said, I wasn’t overly looking forward to having these experiences and trying to paste a smile on my face (to hide the tears and pain I was feeling). I know from experience that it’s not easy to explain it to others, and generally they don’t get it, and just think you’re being a selfish drama queen. This is so far from the truth, but the grief you know all too well is foreign to them and often they just can’t understand.

“What happened?” you might ask. I prayed and prayed and prayed some more. I poured out my heart to God and let Him know that I just couldn’t face that pain again. I needed Him to do something!

The most beautiful grace was extended to me. He walked by my side in every situation which could have been so hurtful. He gave me strength when I had none of my own. And he brought me joy. (He even took care of the little things, like having others prepare Christmas lunch).

Back to the present…

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner.

I want you to know that while the world seems to be shouting out that only couples matter, you matter!

God cares for you in this moment, and He has grace for you during this time.

I’d encourage you to cry out to Him. Share everything that’s on your heart. Let Him speak love unto you.

He’s been showing me lately how He is jealous FOR me (We tend to get envious OF others and what they have, but He is jealous FOR us – He just wants us!) (Exodus 34:14). Lean into relationship with Him. Spend some one on one time with the one who knows everything about you and loves you more than you could ever dream of. Check out another of my blog posts, Focus!, for more on this.

Also… don’t do V Day alone. Get together with some single friends and just have fun together! (I’m thinking of doing something here. Send me your ideas for celebrating the beautiful singles in your world)

Xx

Scripture references: The Holy Bible

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Goat’s what???

What do you think when you read, ‘Red roses and goat’s skin?’

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What would you think if you read, ‘Red Roses and Goat’s Skin’? 

Curious?  You should be…

Amongst other things, Laura Hackett, of Grace Generation Church in Ireland, writes that Valentine’s Day, ‘has, since its very origins, attempted to fill our need for a perfect, heavenly and eternal love with imperfect human effort”.

Hmmm… worth a ponder…

But that’s not all.  There’s so much more!  (You can even brush up on some horrible history).  Go check it out and let me know what you think.

Thanks for sharing, Laura!  

Focus!

Valentine’s Day … Not the most looked forward to day on a single’s calendar. Dreaded… perhaps more accurate? It doesn’t have to be…

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Here we are… the 16th of February… two days on from Valentine’s Day. 

Singleness and Valentine’s don’t exactly go together.  In fact, if anything, it seems to only highlight that which you already knew … you are indeed single ;). 

This year I had the ‘joy’ of having a friend excitedly ask me, “What are your V Day plans?” …. Plans? Really??  You actually asked a single girl that question???  You seriously want to draw my focus to that day?

My point…  I think it can be so easy to lose our focus if we aren’t on guard.  I was given a choice after the conversation with my friend – I could wallow in self-pity or step up to the plate and continue to commit myself to God and entrust my future to Him (I’ve got to say, I could have done better!  It was a toughy).  But despite my human frailty, the better of the two choices is to be on guard!  It sounds very militant and strategic, because well… it has to be.  (Ever had a not-so-great single day?  Pretty easy to rapidly spiral downwards if we aren’t careful, hey)

The 14th Feb highlights all the incredible, gushy things about love that we’re apparently missing out on.  And if we let it, it can be a sad comparison-fest!

Comparison is the enemy of contentment.  We don’t want to go there.  We’re in a war.  We must be on guard.  We must fight.  Don’t fall for the lies so rampant around about us.  Believe God’s truth.

Truth: God is faithful, generous and kind-hearted, and He loves us (Psalm 45:11)!  He’s not holding out on us – He is working all things together for our good (Romans 8:28) and He is doing it in the right timing (even when it feels like He is being oh so slow!).

Truth: He created us – we are beautiful and not forgotten (Isaiah 41:9). 

Truth: The greatest love we’ll ever know is the love of the Father.  Any earthly love we experience is but a trickle next to the gushing river of His love poured out.

Truth: The war is already won – we just have to live it out (Rom 8:31)

Truth: He has given us armour (His Word) to wield so that we can be victorious.  The Word of God is indeed living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and there is truth and encouragement in it for every season we find ourselves in.  Not only that, but we have the Holy Spirit who is able to ‘remind us of all things’ (that is, we can ask Him to help us to remember the truth of the Word so that we can stand firm and undefeated). 

So, we must focus!  Focus!! Focus!!! 

Singleness is a battle – I know, I experience it every day.  If it’s not someone speaking discouragement over me, it’s the ‘chatterbox’ who gets inside my head to try to make me believe the lies.  The struggle is real.  But the victory is too.

And, as we learn to find our contentment, support, encouragement and love in Him, we won’t just win this particular battle, but we’ll be equipped and strengthened to deal with all the others we will face in life (yes, unfortunately, there will be more ha ha).

We’re all a people growing – in our dependence upon, and trust in, God.  Stay strong! xx 

The Waiting Game: Myth Busting #3

Every single person loves to hear, “Oh, you’re so lucky to be single and have so much free time on your hands”. Not!

A few thoughts on the realities of our time and how we spend it…

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So recently I was having lunch with a bunch of friends when one of them threw this myth into the conversation, “Oh, you’re so lucky being single.  You have so much free time on your hands”.  Um, yeah… sure… whatever… (Great thing to say to someone who works, studies, is involved in lots at church, spends a great deal of time with family and friends and does a whole lot of other stuff with her life)

The reality is singles and couples have as much time as one another – 24 hours every day – it’s just a matter of how we choose to spend it.

And that was what frustrated me.  You see, so many times I’ve had people in relationships tell me that they just don’t have time to help others, to assist with something at church, to give that little bit of time to make a difference in the world.  And, just as many times, I’ve had people tell me how singles have so much free time and therefore they can do everything for everyone (It’s incredible how often I have people ask me to do things for them!).  I can vividly remember a time when someone asked me to do something (adding yet another thing to my overfull schedule) and when I said no, I was met with a look of disgust and a response that was supposed to manipulate me into feeling bad, changing my mind and saying yes.  “Oh, you aren’t setting a good example for others if you don’t do this”.  “You really should be making use of all the free time God has given you in this season”…

Gosh!  How sad that people can be like that.

Thankfully, it’s only some people who behave like this.  I also know many people in relationships who balance life so well, giving time to God, their partner, and others, treating their single friends with the utmost respect, and living out their calling in the most brilliant ways.

Here it is… the truth about the crazy ‘all the time in the world’ myth…

Every one of us, regardless of our relationship status, has a purpose and calling in Christ and we should be using our time to fulfil it.  Each of us has a responsibility to manage our time in order to do so.  This is often a juggling act and it requires us setting boundaries around our lives.

This year, I’m stepping back from a few things in order to do other things better.  The things I’m going to do less of are good things, but they aren’t God things.  What do I mean by that… there are a million and one good things we could fill our lives with, but at the end of the day, we can’t do everything, so we should focus on the things that God has called us to do.  It’s better to do those things well, than to give a half-hearted effort to a whole lot of other things.  And what’s more, when we try to do everything, we simply burnout – a pretty useless place to find oneself.

Each of us should do ‘our things’ with a great attitude, and not be annoyed, mad or disappointed when others do the same.  It’s amazing to be generous with our serving and giving, and it’s also perfectly acceptable, in fact necessary, for us to say ‘no’ to some things.

Let’s take responsibility for ourselves and do what we’re called to with a willing and joyful heart.

I’m a girl growing a greater understanding of my calling and how I should live it …

Bridal Magazines

Bridal mags sell us a pic of the fairytale wedding… Where does reality fit with that? What about after the big day? More musings from a single gal…

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A friend of mine got married last year and recently decided to get rid of her bridal magazines by passing them on to someone else to use.  After searching high and low for some excited and eager engaged girl and not really finding one in need of her stash, she half-suggested to me that I could have them.

Hmmm… I appreciated her thoughtfulness, but the idea just didn’t grab me.  Yes, I love seeing gorgeous dresses, beautiful bouquets, pretty fairy lights and all that jazz.  But, I just don’t have the passion for those magazines that you generally see in people who are busily planning their BIG DAY. 

You see, over time I’ve changed.  The fantasies of my childhood are now just memories (well, actually, I can’t even say that.  I really don’t remember what I dreamed of).  Over the years, my heart has grown up.

While little girls dream of fairy tale weddings, I believe that big girls have a vision for their marriage. 

Little girls picture a perfect prince.  Big girls know they’ll marry someone amazing, who is just as imperfect as they are themselves.  They understand that discovering how to encourage one another to do better in life, and learning to love each another despite your ‘faults’, is a part of married life.  Ultimately, marriage is about seeing the other person as God does and loving them with that same heart.

Little girls think about THEIR special day (it’s all about their own happiness).  Big girls see their wedding day as a wonderful beginning to their future journey as husband and wife.

Little girls want all the bells and whistles. Meringue-like dresses, the most impressive cake you’ve ever seen, an exquisite venue, a fabulous band…  Big girls know that at the end of the day, if you turn up to the wedding, and he does too, then you’re off to a great start.

Little girls want things to be just right, and nothing can possibly get in the way of their plan, or they know their whole day will be RUINED.  Big girls understand just how quickly a day passes, and know that however ‘magical’ it may be, it is just a day, a delightful day, but just a day nonetheless.  They know to enjoy the moment, but also to put their real focus on the many moments which will form their married life.  They know to invest in the long-haul stuff rather than getting distracted by the sparkles and sunshine of that one important, yet fleeting, day.

Little girls want a picture.  Big girls desire a life lived out with the one they’ve chosen to love.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m certainly not anti-wedding.  I absolutely believe we should get excited as we anticipate the celebration of our love.  And, I very-much look forward to my wedding day.  I know it will be amazing, and I’m sure I’ll look back on it with great happiness for the rest of my life. 

I just don’t want to be one of those girls who complains about how that one thing or one person spoilt her day.  I recognize that, ‘all that glitters isn’t gold’, and I hope that on my wedding day, I’ll look for the true gold, the real treasure – the one whom I’m deciding to do life with, the commitment we’re making to each other and the fun of sharing that with the world, the family and friends I’m blessed to have by my side, and the God who has answered my prayers and turned my impossible into a reality.

So, little and big girls (and guys), I pray you’ll find your ideal balance between the two!  Enjoy your dreaming… and best wishes for your future xxx

The List Maker

Do you have a list of what you want in your future husband/wife? What’s on your list? Are you list ready? Come explore the ‘list’ concept with me…

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If you’re reading this, chances are you either know someone who has a list of attributes they want in a spouse/partner, or you have (or have had) such a list yourself…

This post isn’t about whether it’s right or wrong to have a list… you can decide that for yourself.  I just want to put some ideas and questions out there for you to ponder…

Why have a list?

It seems that those with lists use them as yardsticks to see whether potential girlfriends/boyfriends measure up to their expectations. 

On a basic level, they ask themselves, “Is this the kind of person I want to spend my life with?” and that seems like a reasonable thing to do. 

On a deeper level, though, it seems to say, “I know exactly what I want and need in a mate”, and “They must measure up.  They must tick all the boxes.  They must give me what I want”.  I wonder a little about that.  Do we really know what we want and need in a husband/wife?  I don’t know everything about my future, where my life will take me, or the challenges I will face.  So, how can I know what I need?  The first example of marriage in the Bible is Adam and Eve.  God saw Adam was alone, said that it wasn’t good, and so made him a helper, Eve.  Did he consult Adam and ask him what he wanted?  Would Adam have known? 

What’s on your list?

I find it intriguing hearing what people have on their lists…

He/she must…  fulfil these 100 very specific physical attributes, have a swagful of particular skills/talents/abilities, exhibit an array of lovely, well-developed character traits…

What difference will it make to your marriage if he/she is blond, can play the cello and sing the national anthem of Liechtenstein???

If we look at a few examples from the Bible and read between the lines a little, we could consider what may have been on people’s lists when they sought a spouse…

Noah (& Mrs Noah) – ‘She’ll have a good attitude (no-grumbler here please!) and stick by me no matter what’

Isaac (& Rebekah) – ‘She’ll be servant hearted and will go where God calls her’

Abraham (& Sarah) – ‘She’ll be patient’ and ‘He will trust God and be obedient and thankful’

Jacob (& Rachel) – ‘She will be beautiful’

Jacob (& Leah) – ‘She will be motherly’ (If he’d have bothered with a list for the wife he didn’t really want, that is!)

Boaz (& Ruth) ‘She’ll be faithful to God’ and ‘He’ll fulfil his responsibilities’

Elkanah (& Hannah) ‘She’ll be hopeful in the face of disappointment and tenacious in her prayers’ and ‘He’ll comfort me in tough times’

David (& Abigail) ‘She’ll speak wisdom to me when I need it’

Gomer (& Hosea) ‘He will be gracious and forgiving’

The King (& Esther) ‘She’ll stand up for what she believes in, and be a person of great influence and integrity’ and ‘He will show me favour’

Samson (& Delilah) ‘He will be strong and buff’

Aquila (& Priscilla) ‘She/He will be united with me and we’ll be a team to share the message of Christ’

Were these couples perfect?  How similar/different were their lists to ours today?  Did they always display their ‘list attributes’? 

It is pretty clear that there will be times when our partner fails to live up to our expectations (and we’ll fail to meet theirs).  And, I would suggest that marriage is far more about persistence than perfection!  Which makes me wonder…

Are you ‘list ready’?

Something I’m yet to hear, is someone sharing about their list of what THEY intend to BE for their future husband/spouse.  This constantly amazes me.  How selfish is it to have a long list of expectations of someone else, yet to fail to consider what you offer to them.  Marriage is a two-way street after all!

In light of this, I find the Proverbs 31 wife inspiring.  I know we can read about her and feel like we’ll never measure up, but I don’t think the proverb is to be a ‘to do list’ for us.  More, I think it points to perhaps her greatest attribute, her dependence upon God.  No woman (or man) could do all that she did without being empowered to do so by God.  I imagine her prayer life went something like this, ‘God show me your heart.  Teach me your ways.  Show me how to be a great wife and mother.  Help me to be moulded into the person you’ve created me to be.  Guide my steps.  Lead me unto obedience.  Let me never forget your goodness…’  And, I imagine her husband was similar, and together they’d have been a power couple! 

I don’t have a list for my future husband.  Sure I have things I’d like to see in Him.  I want him to be passionate about God, family-minded, servant hearted, fun to be with and attractive.  But above all that… I want to be a wife that is deserving of such a husband.  And I desire to be a ‘helper’ who will bring out the best in the one I do life with.  Most of all, I want us to be a great team, living wholeheartedly for our God and drawing our strength from Him.

Whether you’re a list maker or not, be encouraged to seek God’s heart for what He wants in your life and in your loving… 

The Prodigal’s Bro

So we always hear about the Prodigal’s son, but today I’m chatting about his bro and the lessons we can we learn from him… for life… and singleness…

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The Prodigal Son is a story we’re pretty familiar with – cheeky younger son (the Prodigal) asks for his inheritance before he should… squanders his money… comes home hoping to be looked after just like a servant, but gets welcomed in and treated like a true son.  His big bro is pretty unimpressed and feels rather hard-done-by.

I can relate to having been the Prodigal’s bro, especially as an older single girl, but here are some fresh perspectives…

What’s in your hand?

Luke 15:12 (New Century Version) says, ‘The younger son said to his father, “Give me my share of the property”.  So the father divided the property between his two sons…”

Stop.Right.There!  Did you see that?  The father divided his property between his two sons.  Yeah, that’s right, they both got the property! 

Have you ever been that single person who’s looked around and felt just a tad annoyed at the ‘younger brothers’ in your world who have that relationship that you’re after?  Have you ever thought, why am I still waiting – don’t I deserve good things as much as, or more than, they do?  What’s going on, God?

I know I’ve been there, a few years back.  Wondering what God was up to and why He hadn’t brought my husband into my life in a ‘timely manner’.  Pff… how silly was I!  He showed me, that I was in my season of singleness for a reason, and He’d given me everything I needed to live it out well, just as the father had already given the Prodigal’s bro his inheritance (which he completely ignored, BTW!).  Sometimes, I think we need to take our ‘It’s all about me’ glasses off, and put our God-goggles on instead, so that we can start to appreciate what we’ve been given. 

Since I’ve surrendered to God and the things He’s called me to, He’s opened my eyes to new opportunities, and He’s made a way for me to pursue the things He has placed on my heart.  #satisfied – yes, that’s me now.  My desire to be a wife and mother haven’t changed, but my willingness to embrace my current season has enabled God to make room in my life for dream-chasing.  Even just this year, I’ve had my work schedule changed a couple of times, giving me extra time to do other things and I’ve had opportunities to learn skills which will make me a better mum when the time comes.  And that’s only the beginning… He has led me, grown me, and brought me into new things.  What I have ‘in my hand’ (that is, where I’m at in life right now) is good!

Where Attitude and Action Meet

After the Prodigal wasted his money, “The older son was angry… He said to his father, ‘I have served you like a slave… But you never gave me even a young goat to have at a feast with my friends …’ (Luke 15:28-29 NCV).

The Prodigal’s Bro had all he needed, yet he let his stinkin’-thinking hold him back.  Seriously, this guy whinged that he’d never had a party, even though no-one was stopping him.  I mean, really. C’mon! 

He got hooked up just as much as his little bro, and although he might not have spent his money on frivolous living, he did waste it just the same.  You see, when our father (God) gives us something, He expects us to use it.  In Matt 25:14-30, those who were faithful with the little they were given, received more, while the lazy one got nothing.  I think gift-blindness (failing to see what we’ve been given) and ungratefulness (that’s not what I wanted, God…) can be some of the greatest hindrances in our lives.  Sure, I’m single and wanting more, and I could curl up in a corner somewhere and whinge and complain, OR I could appreciate what I have and use it well with a good attitude, knowing that what is grown in my life now will only help me to be better later.  If I’d been married and had children years ago I would have done okay, but I am way more ready now that I ever would have been then.

So, you know what, I’m Single. Happy.  Fulfilled. Living An Amazing Life!  And yes, I’ve had my fair share of ‘young goats’! ;)🎈🎉 hee hee 

I’ve learnt so much through my journey. And, I feel so grateful to be able to share with others who are in this season of life too, for I know that with the right attitude we can use what’s in our hands to be blessed and bless others.

Let’s not squander everything, like the Prodigal and his bro did, but rather embrace what we have!

The Good, the Bad & the Ugly

A little post about the Good, the Bad & the Ugly men in my world, the lessons they’ve taught me and the giggles they’ve brought me! 🙂

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In my last post (Thanks guys!), I wrote about the ‘good’ guys who’ve blessed my life so much.  This post is about the bad boys and ugly ones (no rudeness intended!) – not a man-bashing message (I hate that kind of stuff), but a look at how they’ve shaped my life for good. 

So, here’s to

… that boy in High School who tried his best to destroy my beliefs – he helped me develop determination to always stand up for what I value and to not be shaken by the opinions of others.

… the guy who proposed and then threatened to commit suicide when I said no – although I didn’t sleep so well that night, I did learn that other people’s decisions are not my responsibility (and in case you’re wondering, no, he didn’t kill himself!). 

… the bloke who considered me to be his ‘flavour of the month’, then ran off with another chick – he reminded me that if a man doesn’t value me for who I am, then he is not the one for me.

… the ones who’ve wanted me to compromise on my values – they’ve helped me to take a step back to look at the bigger picture and make the decisions that would give me the life I really want.

… the stalker who hung about my workplace criticising my love of coloured popcorn.  He taught me to never date a man that bags out your food, and to steer clear of the cleaner (yep, that was his mum and she thought we’d make a great couple, vomit vomit)!  Just kidding, but seriously, that did happen and I am so grateful that I don’t have to settle for ‘average Joe’.

… those who I just didn’t find attractive, who’ve made me grateful that I have the freedom to choose whom I date and marry! Looks might not be everything, but it doesn’t hurt to find someone who’s at least a little pleasing to the eyes . 

Ah, yes, there’s been some doozies, but looking back I can laugh and appreciate so many things …

Hope you have some funny and ridiculous stories that you can reflect on too!  Life’s too short to take silly things too seriously – those randoms that just weren’t right shouldn’t hold you back or down – just glean the lessons and giggles you can, and move right along…

I’m a girl growing a backpack full of crazy stories hee hee,

Have an amazing day!

P.S. If you’re a girl or guy who’s had the misfortune of experiencing abuse at the hands of another person – someone who’s actions have been very Bad and whose heart has been Ugly, I’m truly sorry.  It’s never okay for someone to harm another like that.  You are worth far more than they will ever know, and I pray that you’ll be able to rise above the hurt they’ve caused you, so that you can live the incredible, purposeful life you’re truly designed for.  You have greatness and beauty within and so much to offer the world!  Hang in there!  Love you! xx

Thanks guys!

It’s a wonderful world we live in. I’m surrounded by inspiring men who’ve spoken love and value into my life. Come read along as I tell you how they’ve blessed my life! I wonder… who’s left their mark on you and your life?

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I’m not married, engaged or even dating, but I’ve been thinking lately about how I’ve been so blessed to have had such inspiring guys in my life over the years. 

I actually wrote a big list of my ‘main men’ and their amazing traits, but after filling more than just a page or two, I thought I’d best just give you a summary!  (I’m guessing you’ll want to get to bed sometime tonight! Ha ha)

So… to each of those guys, who’ve impacted my world in a big way, I’d like to say, I appreciate your… respectfulness, listening ears, all-embracing hugs, help in my ‘damsel in distress’ moments, encouragement, romantic gestures and gentlemanly ways.

I’m grateful for: the life lessons you’ve taught me, the adventure and fun you’ve brought into my life, and the kindness and care you’ve shown me in my weakest moments.

I’m so thankful for: the ways in which you’ve made me laugh and smile, how you’ve valued me for who I am and seen my potential; and most of all, you’re encouragement of my walk with God.

And, just for fun… here’s a little gratitude for those who’ve liked me, whether I liked them in return or not 😉  For, “When anyone likes you it’s pretty fantastic, really, isn’t it” (Thanks ‘Nottinghill’! Tee hee).

It’s my wish that this post might remind you of some of the great men or lovely ladies that have tread the pages of your life story.  And if you’re ever stuck in a lonely moment, that you’ll look back and remember them.

For me, I know that while I’m technically ‘alone’, I never am.  I have an abundance of beautiful family members and friends, and a God who never leaves me nor forsakes me!

Stay tuned for my next post… I’ve got a little something about ‘The Good, the Bad and the Ugly’ men I’ve encountered…

From my happy, full-to-the-brim heart to yours,

Have a magnificent day!

xx A girl growing

The Waiting Game: Myth Busting #2

Ever been told that you’re just not marriage material? Let’s bust that myth…

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Myth #2: You’re just not marriage material

Ever had someone throw that line at you?  Oh, you’re single… well, perhaps you’re just not marriage material…

Can I just say, that’s rubbish!  People don’t get married because they’re marriage material!  There are plenty of people out there who are married and not doing the greatest job of it.  And there are lots of people who seem to enter marriage on a whim, without any real thought of what it means or requires of them.

So, if you’re single, it’s not because you’re not marriage material.

Sure there’s some things that we can all do to make ourselves more ‘marriageable’ –taking care of ourselves a little, being diligent with our studies and work, caring for others, and not becoming a desperate, crazy stalker of every single guy/girl we know (not attractive, people, not attractive!).  But that’s where we singles are incredibly blessed… we’re uniquely positioned in a place where we can build confidence in who we are and actively develop our relationship skills completely ‘uninterrupted’ (that is, we can learn the stuff and let it become a part of who we are, before we’re ‘under the pump’ of living it within our marriage and family life). 

If you’re one of those people who’ve had someone deem you ‘not marriageable’, then make the most of the time you have now to become the person you’d like your future spouse to be married to!

Ask God to help you to see yourself as He does (beautiful, talented, valuable, unique…) and live that out boldly! When you’re comfortable in your own skin, then you are not going to look for a partner to ‘complete’ you, as you’ll already be 100% whole and secure.  Now, that’s attractive!

Also, grab hold of the opportunities to prepare yourself to be an incredible husband/wife and parent.  Dig deep to learn and develop your relationship skills.  Read books, listen to podcasts, watch DVD relationship series, learn from others who are doing marriage and parenting well (and discover what not to do from those who aren’t quite as successful)… 

And, be grateful – you’re in a learning season that many people never get to experience!  I’m so thankful for the journey God’s taken me on, and I know I’m far more ready for marriage and parenting now than I ever was in my 20’s. 

I’m a girl growing and I hope you’re all growing (rising up, gaining strength, becoming better and learning lots) too! 

Hope made real

If I hope to get fit, I put my joggers on and go to the gym. If I hope to be a wife and mum I… (come find out!)

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For a long time, I’ve dreamt of having an amazing husband and beautiful children, and the joys (and trials) that would come from being a wife and mum.  But you see I’m not a pipe dream kind of girl.  I’m not happy to just sit back with a vague thought in the back of my mind, that maybe one day my dreams will come to pass. 
Hebrews 11:1 says, “Faith is being sure of the things we hope for…  and convicted of their reality” (New Century and Amplified Versions). 

I know that when we’re sure of something, we take action.  For example, if we’re sure it’s going to rain, we take our umbrella out with us.  If we’re sure we’re going camping, we take a tent.  If we’re sure we’re going to the gym, we take our joggers.
So doesn’t it make sense when we are sure of our dreams to follow through with some appropriate action?  I think so!

And that is why, in January, I wrote a list of monthly goals for 2015 – things to do to cement and make real my dreams – evidence of the fabulous future that’s ahead of me.  Just one example is that I’m sewing and crocheting some nursery items and clothes for my future babies!  I’m excited to plan and pray for these little ones, to prepare my heart and my home for their footsteps, and to let my dreams well up within me as an assurance that one day, I’m going to be Mum to some gorgeous bubs!

Check out the picture of my latest project – aren’t these pants just the cutest!!!  They remind me of my Grandad who has always worn suspenders.

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No doubt some people will tell me that my plan will make me look like a ‘crazy cat lady’ (no I don’t own any cats!) and they’ll warn me that I’ll scare away all potential husbands (because clearly guys meeting girls who are in their 30s wouldn’t already assume that they may want kids one day… um, yeah, that’s totally crazy and unexpected). 

Yet others will stand with me and cheer me on. 

Either way, I don’t care. 

I’m a girl on a mission, a person with a plan!  A girl who believes that God is faithful and will provide a way for the hopes and dreams He has placed in my heart, to come to pass.  I’m not sitting back waiting for life to fall in my lap; I’m actively pursuing it.

I’m a girl growing the hope within me! 

I’d love to hear your stories and see your photos of how you’re putting action to your hopes and dreams!  Feel free to share …

You are loved

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Dear Singles,

Today is Valentine’s Day and I pray that on this day you will know that you are loved beyond measure, by the One who created love and made it such a sought after thing.

It gets me every time when I hear 1 Corinthians 13 read out in the movie, ‘A Walk to Remember’.  God’s love for us is so immense, so far beyond what we can imagine.

Know today, that you are valued, beautiful/handsome, talented, gifted, amazing and full of purpose.  Know that He pursues you every day, longing to be close to you.

Be confident – You.Are.His! He loves you enough to die for you.  He loves you enough to care about every detail of your life.

Let today be all about love.  The best.  His.

Love from your friend,
A girl who’s grown to know that God’s got this – this moment and every one hereafter.

Happy Valentines! xxx

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The Waiting Game: Myth Busting #1

singleness vs. marriage?

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In one of my previous posts (The Waiting Game: Don’t Ask Why), I mentioned how some married people say dumb things to me about my singleness.  They may have good intentions, but because they’ve never been an older single, they just don’t understand that what they are saying really isn’t helpful.  I know I’m not alone in this experience, because I’ve had many conversations with other single friends who say the same things.

So, in this series of posts, I’d like to bust a few myths and bring a better understanding of singleness to both singles and marrieds alike.  For the truth is, singleness can be both one of life’s greatest joys and biggest challenges.

Myth #1: Marriage trumps singleness.

If you’re single and not 21 anymore, then you’ve no doubt had at least a billion people (okay, maybe that’s a slight exaggeration) make comments to you along the lines that your life hasn’t really started yet… or that you really need someone to take care of you… or even that you will make a really great wife/husband one day (and they just can’t understand why someone hasn’t ‘snapped you up already’).  All these comments seem to send a pretty clear message – that marriage is better than singleness, and you’re somehow lacking because you’re not there yet.

Well, here’s the reality: Jesus, the only perfect man to have ever walked on this earth, was single.  Enough said…

Still wanting more… the only time in the Bible when marriage and singleness are ‘ranked’ (that is, compared to one another), is when Paul speaks, and he talks of how he feels it can be better to be single!  And even then, he doesn’t say that one is actually better than the other, he just notes that you have different roles and opportunities in each of these different seasons of life (1 Corinthians 7).  Every other mention of marriage and singleness in the Word is simply instructional – ‘If you’re single/married, here’s how to live life well’…  God created us as whole, complete singles, and He also designed marriage, so clearly both are great options and one is not better than the other!

Singles: You are amazing… just the way you are! (Yes, 1D are on to something there).  So, grab hold of the amazing opportunities and freedoms that Paul talks about, and make the most of where you are at right now…

make peace with your past and don’t hold grudges, forgive, stop worrying and comparing, pray, spend time with family and friends, hug someone and tell them how special they are, laugh, choose to be happy and to appreciate all the good things in life, enjoy each day (take time to ‘smell the roses’ and use the fancy plates, like that ad on t.v. told us to), travel and enjoy the great outdoors, go to the gym or out for a run, read good books, volunteer, invest yourself and your money in things that matter, create good work-life balance, take care of yourself and have some ‘me’ time, say ‘no’ sometimes, put aside how you feel and pursue your passions and dreams, take risks, be real and honest, live in the moment and for the future, trust the plan God has for your life,  and remember that the best is yet to come…

Married people: Do you believe, as Christine Caine says that, ‘Singleness is not a disease’?  When was the last time you encouraged a single friend that they were in a great stage of life?  (And really meant it?  No, I’m not talking about a whinge, ‘Well, my lazy husband wouldn’t even take out the garbage today.  You’re so lucky you don’t have to deal with that’.  ‘Oh yes, I get to do ALL the jobs myself, all the time. I’m SO lucky [Insert rolling of the eyes from all the singles in the world who’ve ever been subjected to one of these frustrating conversations]).
What’s one thing you could start to say or do differently to be more accepting and encouraging of the single people in your world, and the life God’s called them to live right now?  (Up for a challenge?  Write a sticky note for yourself of your ‘one thing’ and pop it on your mirror or someplace where you’ll see it often, do it, and let me know how it goes – I’d love to hear from you!).

If you want to delve into this a little more, I’d really encourage you to download the Elevation Church app on your phone, iPad or tablet, and have a listen to one of Pastor Steven Furtick’s podcast series, ‘Meant to Be’ which goes through 1 Corinthians 7 in lots of detail for both singles and marrieds.

The Waiting Game: Don’t Ask Why

Why am I still single? Does God not see or care about my pain and disappointment? Should I even be asking these questions?

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When I was younger being single was easy and carefree. And then, I got a little older and suddenly, every Tom, Dick and Harry felt like they had the right to question everything about me and to give their unsolicited opinions and advice on how I should live my life.

99% of the time, I’d laugh off their ridiculous statements and questions, but occasionally, I’d rather foolishly take on board the things they said, and begin to ponder…

Why AM I still single?

Is there something wrong with me?

Am I not {prayerful, attractive, wise, faithful, Godly, financial…} enough?

Have I missed the boat?

Will I have to settle for marrying my friend’s cousin (the one that he/she wanted to set me up on a blind date with, the one that I have nothing in common with, the one I find unattractive in every way, the one who’s about a billion years too old for me, the one who has no ambition or dreams…)? And, if that’s the case, why does everyone else get to be with someone amazing, whilst I get left with the dregs?

How is it fair that I am still single, yet Mr and Mrs Crazyface are happily married? (They’re that couple we all know who seem to defy gravity – living in a self-absorbed way, never showing any wisdom in a single life decision, always taking advantage of others etc.; yet also seeming to constantly win at life)

Does God not see or care about my pain, frustration and disappointment?

These questions would swirl around my mind like a whirlpool (or more accurately – a cesspool) on those tough days. They spoke negativity. They stripped me of hope. They never made me feel good about myself or my future, or even God for that matter. They were dumb questions!

And then one day, a little while back, I read Lamentations 3:25-29 (The Message version). It says,

‘God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It’s a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It’s a good thing when you’re young to stick it out through the hard times. When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions. Wait for hope to appear.’

I thought about these words and heartily agreed… with most of them… This was my mindset, my belief, on all of my good days. But… ‘Don’t ask questions’??? When I read those words, I felt somewhat offended and got a little angry with God. Don’t ask questions – You (God) make me wait for all these years, with no answers, and then you’re like, ‘Don’t ask questions’! You’ve seen my faithfulness, even when it was the last thing I felt like giving, and you don’t think I deserve to ask a few questions? What????

And in that moment, I knew I had to decide, would I do what I knew was right even if it went against everything I felt? (Sigh… why can’t obedience be easy! Ha ha)

That day, I stopped asking why. I replaced my questions with trust.

Don’t get me wrong, I still get annoyed at the dumb things people say. But now, I don’t let their questions lead me to questioning who I am or who God is, and the plans He has for me life. When bombarded with their questions and thoughts… I anchor myself in Christ.

Like a young child will jump off the edge of the pool into his/her dad’s arms, with complete trust that he will catch them, I now remember that as I jump into the life God has for me in this moment, He will catch me and lead me forward into my tomorrows and whatever they hold.

I maintain hope as I remember that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps 139:14), and He has good plans for my life (Ps 139:16, Jer 29:11). And furthermore, if I want good things for my life, how much more must He (Mt 7:9-11, Is 55:9)!

Whatever stage of life you’re at today, you no doubt have a few questions swirling around your own mind. Perhaps they are similar to those I had. Or perhaps you’re asking, Why don’t I seem to be able to get ahead? How will we survive financially? Have I missed my calling? Why can’t we get pregnant? Why are the kids being so challenging right now? How will I ever be enough (for my marriage, job, parenting role…)?

For me, not asking questions hasn’t meant throwing all common sense to the wind. If I was asking how I’d pay my bills, then that would be a reasonable thing if it was what was motivating me to go to work each day. I guess, I now seek answers to the things that I can do something about, but I trust God with the ‘unknowns’.

What about you and your questions?