The Waiting Game: Myth Busting #2

Ever been told that you’re just not marriage material? Let’s bust that myth…

Myth #2: You’re just not marriage material

Ever had someone throw that line at you?  Oh, you’re single… well, perhaps you’re just not marriage material…

Can I just say, that’s rubbish!  People don’t get married because they’re marriage material!  There are plenty of people out there who are married and not doing the greatest job of it.  And there are lots of people who seem to enter marriage on a whim, without any real thought of what it means or requires of them.

So, if you’re single, it’s not because you’re not marriage material.

Sure there’s some things that we can all do to make ourselves more ‘marriageable’ –taking care of ourselves a little, being diligent with our studies and work, caring for others, and not becoming a desperate, crazy stalker of every single guy/girl we know (not attractive, people, not attractive!).  But that’s where we singles are incredibly blessed… we’re uniquely positioned in a place where we can build confidence in who we are and actively develop our relationship skills completely ‘uninterrupted’ (that is, we can learn the stuff and let it become a part of who we are, before we’re ‘under the pump’ of living it within our marriage and family life). 

If you’re one of those people who’ve had someone deem you ‘not marriageable’, then make the most of the time you have now to become the person you’d like your future spouse to be married to!

Ask God to help you to see yourself as He does (beautiful, talented, valuable, unique…) and live that out boldly! When you’re comfortable in your own skin, then you are not going to look for a partner to ‘complete’ you, as you’ll already be 100% whole and secure.  Now, that’s attractive!

Also, grab hold of the opportunities to prepare yourself to be an incredible husband/wife and parent.  Dig deep to learn and develop your relationship skills.  Read books, listen to podcasts, watch DVD relationship series, learn from others who are doing marriage and parenting well (and discover what not to do from those who aren’t quite as successful)… 

And, be grateful – you’re in a learning season that many people never get to experience!  I’m so thankful for the journey God’s taken me on, and I know I’m far more ready for marriage and parenting now than I ever was in my 20’s. 

I’m a girl growing and I hope you’re all growing (rising up, gaining strength, becoming better and learning lots) too! 

The Waiting Game: Don’t Ask Why

Why am I still single? Does God not see or care about my pain and disappointment? Should I even be asking these questions?

When I was younger being single was easy and carefree. And then, I got a little older and suddenly, every Tom, Dick and Harry felt like they had the right to question everything about me and to give their unsolicited opinions and advice on how I should live my life.

99% of the time, I’d laugh off their ridiculous statements and questions, but occasionally, I’d rather foolishly take on board the things they said, and begin to ponder…

Why AM I still single?

Is there something wrong with me?

Am I not {prayerful, attractive, wise, faithful, Godly, financial…} enough?

Have I missed the boat?

Will I have to settle for marrying my friend’s cousin (the one that he/she wanted to set me up on a blind date with, the one that I have nothing in common with, the one I find unattractive in every way, the one who’s about a billion years too old for me, the one who has no ambition or dreams…)? And, if that’s the case, why does everyone else get to be with someone amazing, whilst I get left with the dregs?

How is it fair that I am still single, yet Mr and Mrs Crazyface are happily married? (They’re that couple we all know who seem to defy gravity – living in a self-absorbed way, never showing any wisdom in a single life decision, always taking advantage of others etc.; yet also seeming to constantly win at life)

Does God not see or care about my pain, frustration and disappointment?

These questions would swirl around my mind like a whirlpool (or more accurately – a cesspool) on those tough days. They spoke negativity. They stripped me of hope. They never made me feel good about myself or my future, or even God for that matter. They were dumb questions!

And then one day, a little while back, I read Lamentations 3:25-29 (The Message version). It says,

‘God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It’s a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It’s a good thing when you’re young to stick it out through the hard times. When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions. Wait for hope to appear.’

I thought about these words and heartily agreed… with most of them… This was my mindset, my belief, on all of my good days. But… ‘Don’t ask questions’??? When I read those words, I felt somewhat offended and got a little angry with God. Don’t ask questions – You (God) make me wait for all these years, with no answers, and then you’re like, ‘Don’t ask questions’! You’ve seen my faithfulness, even when it was the last thing I felt like giving, and you don’t think I deserve to ask a few questions? What????

And in that moment, I knew I had to decide, would I do what I knew was right even if it went against everything I felt? (Sigh… why can’t obedience be easy! Ha ha)

That day, I stopped asking why. I replaced my questions with trust.

Don’t get me wrong, I still get annoyed at the dumb things people say. But now, I don’t let their questions lead me to questioning who I am or who God is, and the plans He has for me life. When bombarded with their questions and thoughts… I anchor myself in Christ.

Like a young child will jump off the edge of the pool into his/her dad’s arms, with complete trust that he will catch them, I now remember that as I jump into the life God has for me in this moment, He will catch me and lead me forward into my tomorrows and whatever they hold.

I maintain hope as I remember that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps 139:14), and He has good plans for my life (Ps 139:16, Jer 29:11). And furthermore, if I want good things for my life, how much more must He (Mt 7:9-11, Is 55:9)!

Whatever stage of life you’re at today, you no doubt have a few questions swirling around your own mind. Perhaps they are similar to those I had. Or perhaps you’re asking, Why don’t I seem to be able to get ahead? How will we survive financially? Have I missed my calling? Why can’t we get pregnant? Why are the kids being so challenging right now? How will I ever be enough (for my marriage, job, parenting role…)?

For me, not asking questions hasn’t meant throwing all common sense to the wind. If I was asking how I’d pay my bills, then that would be a reasonable thing if it was what was motivating me to go to work each day. I guess, I now seek answers to the things that I can do something about, but I trust God with the ‘unknowns’.

What about you and your questions?